Wednesday, May 23, 2012

This has been quite an exciting YEAR!

Happy Birthday my sweet sweet bunny! I cannot tell you how wonderful this last year has been. So much has changed this last year but all for the better! I had a scheduled c-section for May 26 and my dad was supposed to arrive a couple days before then. the morning of May 23, 2011 I woke up feeling great (as good as a swollen 9 month pregnant person would) and started baking a carrot cake for my dad. it's one of his favorites. as I was shredding the carrots my phone was the nurse from the doctor's office calling me back. I was told to come in asap to see if my water is breaking. I was in the middle of baking a cake and hadn't taken a shower! I quickly hung up and called kelly who didn't answer. I was pissed! why the hell is he not answering his phone days before I'm due! finally got ahold of his mother...he was mowing the horsebarn. shortly after he got home we left for fort worth. I threw in my over night bag just in case. the doctor took a test and it came back negative, it wasn't my water breaking. so onto the sonogram we go. the sono tech told me to drink MORE water! uh that was impossible! I drink 80-100 ounces a day! there's no way I can force down more. The doctor determined that it probably was in fact my water leaking and that even though she wasn't my regular doctor (my regular doctor was in FRANCE...must be nice) that she wanted to have the csection that day. sure why not. not like I had pressing plans to be anywhere else! I called my family and told them my angel was coming that day! I couldn't have been happier. it was strange, I was so calm the whole time we were waiting for her arrival in the hospital room...I was ready. then they wheeled me into the operating room. I HATE that no one else can go back there while you get prepped! I hated it when Kyle was born and I hated it when Layla was born! I never freaked out when I was getting prepped for Kyle's birth but for some reason I almost had a panic attack when I was prepping for Layla! I couldn't breathe, I just wanted to tell the nurse, "Ok I think I'll have her naturally, we can stop all this!!!" I had a c-section with Layla b/c of Kyle's defect we had to have a c-section with him and I know what to expect from a c-section and I did not look for to tearing down south so I said yes to the c-section. If I could be guaranteed that I wouldn't tear and that she would be 6 lbs or smaller I'd go natural. My doctor couldn't promise that so c-section it was! Kelly finally was able to come back and I was instantly calmed when I saw his face. I felt a little tug and pull here and there and then I hear the doctors saying that the specialist needs to come down NOW. WHAT?! what's going on?! My nurse came by to let me know my sweet angel had a bowel movement when they opened me up and she swallowed some. to prevent infection they had to suction that out quickly and that they were not trying to get her to cry. Well, my teradactyl baby let out a huge burst and would not stop! By the time the specialist came down they had it all suctioned out! Thank God! I would be DAMNED if I was going to be robbed of holding my child immediately after birth again! They placed her in my arms as they were sewing me back up and I couldn't stop smiling! This was the BEST feeling in the world! The LOVE one has for their child cannot be described! You know that you'll love your child when they're born but until you see them and hold them for the first time you have NO IDEA!

This last year has been a HUGE change for our family. I wouldn't change a single thing. I quit my job to take care of my child and yes it's been lonely and challenging at times but I couldn't imagine it any other way! THIS is what I was put on this EARTH for...TO TAKE CARE OF MY CHILD! I truly without a doubt feel that being a mother is what I'm destine to do. If I screw everything up in my life, I at least want everyone to be able to say, "she was the best mother to her children". I have learned from my childhood what kind of parent I want to be and what NOT to do. Layla will never doubt my love for her! (I never doubted my parents love) 

Today I looked at my ONE year old and realized that this is what life's all about...FAMILY! There is nothing I wouldn't do for her!

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