Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Life is NOT easy!

I've come to realize that nothing in life is easy. You have to work at EVERYTHING. I always see my friends and ppl on tv(yes I know they are not real) and wonder how the hell do they do it every single day. How do they make everything look easy? Do they not have ANY problems? I sometimes feel that I have a lot of problems, perhaps I blame it on my childhood but honestly it's no one's fault but my own. I have not grown to the person I am very proud of. I get depressed very easily and have NEVER had much motivation to do anything. This is why I never finished school. So much easier to go shopping or lay in bed. Yesterday I finally felt motivated and I am praying that it keeps up. I don't want to be this hermit that I've become. I blame everything that I do or don't do on something else. I don't feel like cleaning b/c our house it too cluttered...I'm the packrat that has cluttered this new house up. Maybe I am mildly depressed now but I've been in these same shoes before and I've picked myself up and I can do it again. I do wonder though, am I always going to be one of these ppl that gets depressed easily and lacks motivation? I sure as hell pray I'm not but I've afraid it's going to be a lifelong battle. Quite like an alcoholic has a daily struggle of not taking a drink, I think I'm going to have a daily struggle to get up and get out of bed and do something productive. Thanks to my good friend Chelsea, I am motivate to clean this filthy house and DECLUTTER!! She just recently straighten up their house and it looks great! I've always wanted a house that EVERYTHING has a home and promised myself that I would NOT let this house get this way and a year and a half of living here, it's a shit hole. I am a PACKRAT! 

There are a ton of projects that I wanted to do for my child with my sewing machine and when I bought my new machine I envisioned me as little Martha Stewart sewing up a storm. And I did for the first few months...but now I cannot tell you the last time I've even looked at the machine! I always had good intentions but RARELY followed through with what I said I was going to do.

I do make my life a lot HARDER than it needs to be. I need to learn to relax, go with the flow, and get my ass off the couch and do SOMETHING! Something productive. I may start by taking Layla to go pick some peaches! Yes she's a little young to do this but I've always wanted to pick peaches at Fall Creek Farms and why not. It will get me out of the house wont it? Oh yeah, I was supposed to work on getting this house in order...oops! I'll finish mopping and while the floors are drying we will go! There. Sounds like a plan! TODAY is a new day and I'm going to change the path that I'm on and make it a good one! I just pray I can keep it up...

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