Saturday, December 18, 2010

So once again a lot has changed since my last post. I am now 16 weeks along and our house is really coming along!! They say your second trimester you usually feel the best...well I beg to differ! I'm having morning sickness throughout the whole day. I am thankful it's not everyday and I have not thrown up, yet. Did I mention that when I sneeze my insides hurt?! It feels like I pull a muscle every time I sneeze! I know most people love being pregnant but man, I'm not loving it right now. My hormones are going crazy and I cry more often now of course. I hate complaining about how I feel and I hate taking so many different medications so I can function!

I don't take them everyday but I do have to have them handy at all times! My belly is growing and growing. Maybe next post I'll have a picture. Right now I can't figure out if I'm just carrying low or if it's just too many cookies that I have been eating. Sorry to rant, I am so so grateful to finally be pregnant and am so excited to bring this baby home! It is a dream come true! Making my own family and memories is what I've always wanted! Honestly I feel like the luckiest girl alive!! I love seeing how excited Kelly is getting about our baby! He is so cute!!! We have our next sonogram in two weeks and couldn't be happier. I still haven't decided 100% if we will find out the sex then or not. I go back and forth on if I really want to know or if I want it to be a surprise when baby Langdon gets here! I'm sure we'll find out but I'm thinking about not. I do want to get the nursery done before he/she gets here but they do stay in the bassinet for a couple of months. I could work on it after (with all my spare time I know I'll have. LOL.) Oh who knows what will happen!

I am so so proud of Kelly and all his hard work on our house. It's 7:42 on Saturday night and I'm blogging and watching tv while my wonderful husband is working on our house. We have walls, texture, paint on the walls, most of the doors up and Kelly is installing the plugs and switches right now! This week we are going to order the cabinets and get the tile for the shower. If Kelly, James, and Daniel work on our house monday-friday every week we will have it done in no time. James and Daniel framed our house and come back to work here when they don't have another house to work on. They are excellent, we couldn't get this house done without them!! I have a video of our house so far. I do have more pictures on my Facebook if you wanted to see more. Hope you enjoy the video and look forward with some more news soon!!

The video didn't work but you can view it on my facebook page!!

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Update on the Langdon Ranch

It has been way too long since my last blog. I'm sure everyone would like to know how our house is going. Yes we are still building it. No it will not be done by my Christmas completion date. Kelly hasn't had much time to work on it the past few months. We finally got the insulation sprayed on the walls last week. It will save us so much money on our energy bill every month!! We are so excited about that! Hopefully next week the energy company will come out and hook up our electricity. And by the end of the next week they should start on the sheet rock!! We got smart and hired a company to sheet rock for us. It will save us,Kelly, so much time!!! So I'm looking at February or March as our move in date. It is starting to come together and I cannot tell you how excited I am!!

We are so proud to announce we will be having a baby at the end of May 2011! I am almost 11 weeks along. I've been so scared and very reserved about this pregnancy. I thought after my miscarriage that once I get pregnant again I will shout it from the rooftop as soon as I found out...I didn't feel like that. I told my immediate family and my department at work for the first several weeks. I thought after our first sonogram at 7 1/2 weeks that I would tell everyone then...not so. Finally after passing where I was when I had the miscarriage(10 weeks and 2 days) and seeing my baby today on the sonogram machine did I want to shout it. Our baby is doing awesome! I've been getting blood work often and every time it comes out awesome! Today our baby was moving around in my belly. You could see little arms, legs, the body, and a giant head! LOL. I feel everything is finally coming together again for us. I don't want to sound like we have never had anything. We are very fortunate and are very blessed for everything in our lives but with a new house(may I say an awesome one at that) and a new life inside my belly we are even more blessed! I really want to thank everyone who has kept us in their thoughts and prayers. Thank you thank you thank you! We knew God would answer our prayers somehow and someday, but wasn't quite sure when! So far I've been feeling pretty good. I do have some nausea every once and awhile but it doesn't last for more than 5-10 minutes usually. On my days off I'm sleeping around 10-12 hours. I am also so sleepy! Overall, I'm doing GREAT! Couldn't be happier! I thank God everyday for my wonderful husband and my amazing life here on the ranch!

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Prayers needed!

I normally don't blog up to date info about our fertility issues but this month I am super excited and need everyones prayers. First off the doctor doubled my clomid so now I'm taking 100mg and I'm getting the HCG injection today which triggers ovulation and I'll ovulate within 36 hours of the injection! We went to the doctor yesterday and there were two mature follicles on my right side! One was just barely mature so the doctor told me to come back the next day (which is today) to get the HCG injection. Let them grow one more day! The sonogram tech and the dr told us to really think about going further bc we could have twins or more. The chances of that are kind of low I feel with my previous experiences every month of not getting pregnant. But you never know! Twins would be awesome and scary all at the same time. I go back and forth on if I want twins or not. I will take whatever God gives me!! Regardless of multiples or not, last month I only had one follicle and this month we have two. double the chances! AND... I had one mature follicle on my left side but they are thinking that was from last month and that he is just hanging out. Crazy. So if that's the case, my follicle never dropped last month, I'm really glad I'm getting the HCG injection. It makes all the mature eggs drop! Once the sonogram tech told me I have two mature follicles and could have multiples, she left the room and I just cried! Kelly asked me why I was crying and I replied "I just want a baby and we have such a great chance this month!!" I know it will happen someday but I'm ready, I'm so ready!! So I really really need everyone's prayers this month please! I'm a lot more relaxed this month than I was last so that's in my favor too!!!

Sunday, July 4, 2010

Still Going...

So it's been a little over 3 months since I had my miscarriage. Seems longer than that though. We are on our third month of trying, second month on Clomid. This is harder than I ever thought it would be. I feel like I have absolute no control over my emotions and hormones sometimes. The other day I just had to leave wherever I was and go home b/c I couldn't control my emotions. The tears just kept on rolling down my face. It was awful. I was embarrassed b/c I feel like I need to accept what happen and be okay. But I sometimes just can't! I see the doctor in about a week for my sonogram to see how my follicles are doing. I should be ovulation that day so that will be really nice to see. This will be the first time I see MY doctor since my miscarriage. I have a HUGE list of questions to ask!

I am so lost and not sure how to calm down sometimes. I feel like I've tried a lot of methods to help, a nice glass of wine, thinking good thoughts, I even bought some stress reliever lotion and use it every night! My job is stressing me out and I'm scared that isn't good for me conceiving a baby, but then what do I do after I quit?! I can't quit and sit around on my ass and do nothing. I know there are a lot of things I could do but would I be motivated enough to do them?! I wish I could take a leave of absence and take off about a month to get myself together (maybe see if an anti-depressant would kick in). I don't feel that is very fair to my co-workers. BUT a FAMILY is more important to me than anything in the world! I will do whatever it takes to complete my family! That is in my list of questions to ask my doctor. See what she recommends medically.

Ever since I had my miscarriage my feet go numb way way quicker than they did in the past. I feel like I've never had great blood circulation but its horrible now. I literally cannot sit on my knees for more than two minutes without my legs and feet hurting! Also in my list of things to ask the doctor.

I was very spoiled with my periods BM (before miscarriage). They would last 3 days max. Usually the first day was extremely light then second day was normal, then the last was another light day. It was awesome. Those days are gone. Now it's a normal-light day for the first day, then the next 3 are normal to heavy days with two days after that being light. I hate it!!! I want my old period back!!

Last week Kelly and I started working on the house again and it's really coming along now! It's so nice!! I'm hoping in a week or two(no longer than two weeks) we'll be ready to spray in the insulation. Then sheet rock soon after that!!! I cannot wait! My hope is to have our Christmas party at our new house!! We will be in the new house by Christmas but not sure if we'll be in there with enough time to move in and throw a Christmas Party. But I may make it happen somehow! We will see.

Yesterday I held a month old baby for about two hours and I loved it! I truly feel that this is the plan God had for me, to be a wife and a mother! It was an awesome feeling! Our day will come and I could not be anymore exited!

It's been an extremely hard past few months but I'm still going and I'm still making it! Just bare with me b/c some days I really can't do much! It's not very often anymore but I do still have my days I truly cannot control my tears!

Monday, April 26, 2010

Light at the end of the tunnel

It's been just about 5 weeks or so since my last post. I have my ups and downs. Mostly I've been doing quite well. Occasionally, I'll have a bad day and get really sad about our lost pregnancy. It's hard to imagine but I would be a little over 15 weeks along. The time has come that we will be able to try to have another baby this next month. I thought I would be so happy and really I have every emotion going through me that you can think of. I am happy but also very very scared. It took us awhile to get pregnant the first time. I'm scared that at the end of my month we just have to play the guessing game to see if we are pregnant or not. I have my ovulation kit ready but I'm not ready for a let down at the end of this cycle. I'm praying and hoping that we will soon have a positive result but you never know. It is so easy to get pregnant when you aren't trying and we are now back into the trying game. It almost doesn't feel real. It doesn't feel real that I was pregnant at times and other times it doesn't feel real that I'm not pregnant anymore. It's so crazy and hard to explain. I know God has a plan for everything, it's just hard to be patient at times. I know I shouldn't care about what I look like or how much I weigh but I haven't lost much of my pregnancy weight and I hate it. It's just a sad reminder that I was pregnant for 2 1/2 months. Luckily the weather is nice now and I'm trying my hardest to shed these pounds. Hopefully just to gain it all back soon! LOL. It was much easier to lose the weight after I had Kyle. Guess depression can do that to you. I do know that things could be a lot worse and really if this is all I have to worry about I'm doing pretty good. There is light at the end of the tunnel and I'm almost around the corner to see it, just alittle bit longer to go!

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Making Lemonade

Well it's been 3 days since my miscarriage and I think I'm doing quite well! I didn't have a great day yesterday emotionally, but overall I still think I'm handling this whole thing good. I still haven't had to use my pain meds the doctor gave me. Tomorrow I go back to work and I'm not really scared emotionally how I'm going to do but I am scared of the physical aspect of it all. Today I was more active and I've had minor cramping. Just hope tomorrow goes smooth! I'm sure it will though.

We just got back from the doctor and had a great report!! I am so pleased. You know, having a miscarriage is an awful thing to happen but it's not the end of MY world. (I emphasize on the word MY b/c some people have a harder time and do not realize at first that is it not the end of THEIR world) Again, everything happens for a reason! I went into the doctor today and he said (my lady doctor was off today) at this point we don't have much to worry about. There could be many reasons why this happened. All my tests and blood work looks really good (and I passed everything so no D&C!!) However, they are going to treat me as a high risk patient for my next pregnancy just so we don't miss anything. I'll get extra sonograms and extra blood work. If something bad were to happen again, there isn't a whole lot that they can do about it but at least we will be one step ahead in trying to figure out what is causing this problem. I feel like I have an excellent team working with my doctor and feel very lucky. I have total confidence that we will someday get pregnant again. No telling when that will happen but it will happen! We are able to start trying again in about 5 weeks!

On the plus side of things I get to have a nice big margarita on my birthday next week! :) Don't get me wrong, I would much rather be pregnant (I'm not really a drinker either) but you have to play the cards you were dealt and find some good out of the situation. Now we wont be in a hurry to get the house done and I bet I will be more patient this next time around and appreciate the whole process a little more. In every crossroad I'm dealt I learn from that situation and move on. You can end up making great lemonade with what you thought were bad lemons!

Sunday, March 21, 2010

Never thought it would happen to me...

Yesterday was an extremely long and crazy day at the hospital! It all started the day before(on Friday). I started having some light spotting and mild mild discomfort. After I got home from work I call the on call doctor and she told me to rest and hopefully it will go away, if it gets really bad go to the ER, otherwise go in to see the doctor on Monday if it doesn't worsen. So I stayed off my feet, had Kelly make me some Velveeta shells and cheese and the spotting had stopped! I was thinking, yes I was in the clear!! I was wrong. I woke up the next morning (yesterday, Saturday) and the spotting was heavier, not heavy but heavier, and discomfort was stronger, but not quite cramps yet. So I turned to Kelly and told him that I was just going to stay in bed literally all day and pray it goes away. He was okay with that because he wanted to work on the new house a bit anyways. About an hour later the discomfort turned into mild mild cramps, it felt like premenstrual cramps. I talked to my sister and she told me that if she was in my shoes she would go and that people go to the ER for much less serious reasons. So I finally said okay, better safe than sorry! So I took a shower and got dressed. Kelly drove us into Ft. Worth and it was right around lunch time. We were both hungry and decided no telling how long we were going to be in the hospital so we better eat now. We stopped at Jason's deli, I was really wanting soup for some reason. I thought I felt a little heavier flow and went to the bathroom to check. Yep I was right still not really heavy but heavier and while I was taking a shower and getting ready my cramps were getting worse. I asked Kelly to finish lunch and that we really needed to head out soon! Poor fella wanted to eat some banana pudding and he skipped it so we could leave. He is so sweet! We get to the hospital and luckily the waiting room wasn't full just a couple of people ahead of me! They get me back into triage and get my vitals and then put me into another waiting room until a treatment room opens up. And right before I went into triage I had a sharp pain. I thought to myself, crap I was thinking this was just me overreacting and now it just turned serious. I also went into the bathroom to go pee and the nurse said to give them a urine sample. My little cup was red, not the normal color, of course. I started getting really scared and luckily I had Kelly there to comfort me and to joke with me to get my mind of things. He kept saying, "Babe, don't overreact till you know there is something to be scared about". Hello! I'm a girl and that's what we do, OVERREACT!! We waited for a room for about an hour and a half. Guess they were busy after all. Finally got into the room and saw the doctor, he was nice and pretty much said if I was miscarrying there is not much they can do. Then he said that they needed a urine sample. They didn't use the other. I came out of the bathroom earlier and some weird nurse guy looked at me funny when I gave him the first sample earlier and said, "we can't use this because it has blood in it" I told him "well I was told to give a sample so here it is! I'm here at the hospital because I am bleeding!" My second sample was normal color!! No red!!! That gave me a lot of hope!! We waited and waited and some guy came and took blood and hooked up an iv and then finally someone else came to take me away for a sono. This is what I've been wanting. I wanted to know if there a heartbeat or not! The sonogram tech didn't say much but really I think that's just who she is. She was nice but just not talkative! I didn't really think anything of it. I figured she is just the sonogram tech and she probably isn't even allowed to tell me anything, so I didn't ask any questions! I get wheeled back to my room and soon after my grandmother and aunt show up. It was nice to see their faces! At this point poor Kelly and I were at the hospital for about 4 hours or so. They were there for a little while and the doctor knocks on the door and comes in. He asked if it was alright to talk about things with my other family in the room. Of course I said yes. He had that look on his face and before one word about my results came out of his mouth I knew it wasn't good news. He told me that I was having a miscarriage and that I would pass the sac in the next day or so. I was devastated!! How could I have a miscarriage when we tried so hard to get pregnant in the first place!? I don't mean any disrespect to anyone who has had one, but I truly thought that I wouldn't have a miscarriage. I don't know my reasoning but I honestly thought it wouldn't happen to me!! I'm sure everyone thinks that though. My grandmother and aunt left so Kelly and I could be alone. He is such a sweet husband and of course they never know really what to say to us but just them being there and loving us helps more than any words could! He looked sad but I think he was more concerned for me! He knows we will get pregnant again and we will have a beautiful baby someday!

I learned a lot yesterday! The doctor said something to me that I'll never forget and I truly believe this: often someone has a miscarriage because there could have been something wrong with the baby and this was nature's way of fixing it. And then the nurse explained to me that a miscarriage often feels like really painful contractions. After all a miscarriage really is the birthing process, just way too early!! I never thought about it like that, but it's so true!

Soon after the doctor left the room I started feeling strong strong pains. I wasn't sure if I should call the nurse in or what. So I just waited about 20-30 minutes till the nurse came in to discharge me. She saw tears in my eyes and asked if I was in pain. I said yes and she ran to get me some pain meds! Man did that first shot of morphine help but still felt pains so I got another shot and again it helped but still felt it and they did say I would leave the hospital pain free! So they asked if I wanted another. Of course I did. It was bad enough I just lost my baby or was in the process, I did not want to have pain to keep reminding me why I was in the hospital in the first place! My nurse was so sweet and very talkative. She sat in the room with Kelly and I for a bit chit chatted and it was nice to talk about what all she sees in the ER and to keep my mind off things! So around 6ish? I was told that I needed a Rho gram shot because I'm RH- blood type and everyone who has RH- blood type has to have that shot at 24 weeks and after birth to prevent any complications. I'm not too sure what happens but I do know that if my blood and the baby's blood interact there could be some complications that can be serious. More than likely the baby has RH+ blood type. RH- is rare! I think I read once that only 15% of white women have RH- blood types. Thanks mom or dad!! LOL. For whatever reason the lab had to mix up the Rho gram shot and it was supposed to take just a few hours. Of course it took longer. It took 5 or 6 hours, but I needed it and we had to wait.

Right after the nurse said it would take at least three hours it was around 8:30 and Kelly was starving. I sent him to get some food in his belly and to bring me back a hamburger. When he got to the room I started feeling nausea. So I told the nurse and she gave me something for that, and it helped but I was too tired to eat now! Around 11pm I went to the bathroom and passed the sac. They wanted me to save it if I could so they could send it off to the lab to confirm everything and I'm sure testing or what not. Luckily I wasn't in any pain at that time. I had plenty of meds in me! Kelly was soo tired and his back was hurting and he was ready to go home! We both were!! Somehow he got a burst of energy around 1am. Good thing because he had to drive us home!! Finally around 1:45ish the shot was ready!!! I was kind of in and out of sleep when she came in. I got the shot and then she took some final vitals and we were about to be on our way. I stood up, got my shirt on and oh crap, I threw up in the trash can like 5 times! Kelly called my nurse in for me. She gave me a bucket and some medicine and really before I got my medicine I felt better. Guess I just needed to throw up 5 or 6 times first. And some even came out of my nose!(TMI?) It was awful. I smelled that throw up smell for the whole drive home!! Lucky me!! I honestly didn't care I was so tired and so ready to be home!!!

I was a hard day yesterday and I really want to thank my husband of course because without him I would be so lost!! He is my rock and my support and I could not ask for a better man to call my husband. I also want to say thank you to all my family and friends for their love and support!! Ya'll helped me get through yesterday also!! I cannot tell you all enough how grateful I am to have you all in my life!!

It's about 4:30pm right now and I feel much much better. I woke up this morning and cried and asked Kelly if yesterday was just an awful nightmare. He told me that everything will be okay and that we will try again! I don't have any cramps yet and haven't needed to take any medicine today. But I'm also taking it easy today and tomorrow I have to see my OB doctor to make sure everything is okay and that everything that's supposed to come out, came out.

I never posted a picture of any of my sonogram pictures from when I was 7 weeks but here is one sono picture.

Monday, February 15, 2010

here's our house so far...

I have been so bad at posting pics about the house. I have been busy and have had other things on my mind. Life out here has been a little crazy but I see them getting probably crazier but so much more fun! I am trying my best to post more updates as life goes on! Oh blah de oh blah da. Life goes on...!! Kelly and I put a down payment on his pool table for the house! We are super excited about that! Kelly had an awesome birthday this year! No one could ask for a better birthday!

Thursday, February 11, 2010

We will always remember

suppose it's time to do another blog. A week or two ago Kelly came home to one of our dogs badly hurt. It's was Pinky, Kelly's fav dog (dont tell the others LOL). Pinky's neck was badly scratched and was bleeding pretty bad. Kelly and his dad cleaned Pinky up and gave a shot to help with infection. This whole time I was in Fort Worth visiting my sister and my nieces. I rushed home as soon as I picked up my niece Brookelyn from school and poor Pinky was very lethargic and helpless. Kelly and I put Pinky into the car and drove up to my work. It was worst than I thought. They started shaving her neck and it was looking worse and worse. They finally got her on some heavy meds and we left her there over night. I felt so bad for our little Pinky! The next morning I went to work early to check up on her and to tell her how much we love her! Throughout the day I talked to her and gave her hugs. There was this nasty smell coming from her skin and it was getting worse and worse throughout the day. One of the drs. at work said we really needed to do surgery on her to see if anything in her throat was tore. I remember going back there while they started surgery and they saw it was not looking good. I rushed into the bathroom to wipe my eyes and as soon as I came back out I saw the look on Kelly's face and dr. Mccall shaking his head that it was worse than anyone expected. Pinky's whole entire throat was torn up and beyond repair! We had to euthanize Pinky and that was so difficult for Kelly and I. Poor poor Pinky and poor poor Kelly. This was his baby, his dog, who went to work with him and was extremely loyal to him! That night we buried her in the pet cemetery here on the ranch! We will miss Pinky! But we are very fortunate that we have such great memories with her and lots of pictures!

Greta (cat) and Pinky (dog)

PS I did not proof this post but I will tomorrow. I am tired and need to get some rest!