Friday, March 23, 2012

god is good

well, here we are. today layla turned 10 months. time has flown by. she is the light of my world. i thank god every single day that we have her. i do not take any day for granted. unfortunately i do know what it's like to lose a child and i pray i never have to experience that again. my boo boo has been sick all week long. this is her first time to be really sick. tonight she started getting a high fever and it keeps on coming back. hopefully the antibiotics will kick in soon! hated to get her on antibiotics so young but with a double ear infection you dont have much of a choice. a couple of days ago i planted my garden. hoping it works out this year. we tried it right outside our yard a few years ago and something ate all of our plants. i'm thinking our tough dogs will protect our garden inside the yard this time. ha. we will see. layla is growing up quickly. she is starting to finally venture outside her little designated play area and realizing there is much more to explore. therefore if i have to walk away for a min she has to go to babyjail which we keep in the livingroom. soon she will be walking! i can't believe it. my absolute favorite thing is seeing her beautiful smile. there is nothing quite like it. you know they tell you that you'll love your baby more than anything but you have no idea until they are here and you are holding them. there is not a single thing that i wouldn't do for her.

today i've been feeling a little down in the dumps. i think it's b/c she has been sick all week long and i'm here with her 24/7 and mamma needs a break! i always feel so guilty when i say i need a break. i feel like i chose to have her i should have her with me at all times, but i do have to stop and tell myself it's ok to go out and enjoy myself a little. sunday will be my first time to have the entire day to do whatever it is i want to do. kelly said when we wake up he will take care of layla and i can go and be gone all day. after tonight's episode of me being down he went even further and told me i could go away to a hotel for a night or two if i needed. i am so lucky to have such a caring husband. no words can describe how lucky i am to have him in my life. i do believe god put him in my life for a reason. god matched us up at a really important time in my life. i needed him more than he'll ever know.  of course i'd love to get away and maybe one day i will but not sure i'm quite ready for that, but a full day i will certainly try to do. can't promise anything but i know i need to get away for a bit. even if it's mall shopping and driving around town.

we have so many birthdays coming up. we had one last weekend, we have one this weekend. and honestly i think layla has a birthday party to go to almost every weekend until her birthday. popular gal! i love it! love that all my friends have kids so close to layla's age. yes her birthday is only two months away and i've already bought her birthday outfit (which is adorable!) and i've already started planning it. i dont want to go broke her birthday month so gotta start early. I'm going to order her bday present soon. so excited. dont tell but she's getting a potterybarn chair. its adorable. can't wait! i'm sure she'll get other things too. you should see what the easter bunny is getting her this year. it's crazy. but how can you not go over board for such a sweet daughter!? i hope i'm not coming across as bragging about my child, i'm just so in love and so proud of her. i hope she knows how loved she is and that i will always be here for her. I was/am not perfect and i want her to know that she can come to me about anything, anytime! I'll always love her no matter the circumstances. and i pray that kelly or i are not taken from her too soon. i miss my mother so much and wish so desperately that she was still here. it's not fair for a daughter to have to grow up without their mother. yes i have a wonderful grandmother who took me in and has given me unconditional love and a father and sisters, and a lot of family but it's not the same. it is my mission to let layla know how much i love her every single day. god forbid if something happens to me, she will know that i love her more than anything and that i did my best to take care of her. there is nothing better than being a mother. this is what i was meant to do. take care of my child and teach her everything i can.

oh my, thought greta (my cat) was a gonner the other day. she decided to venture into the woods, which we have all kinds of predators out there, and didn't come back when i called her. she never gets so far she can't hear me call her name. again i have the best husband. he and frida drove around looking for her. i was numb. i really thought something got her and she was gone. Greta was/is my other baby! i love her with all my heart too. she ruins our leather couch, dont tell kelly but she's scratched up our wooden stairs (keep in mind we have only lived in this house barely a year), but she can do no harm. yes i have to vacuum every single day b/c her hair flies everywhere but she is wonderful. finally just before it got dark i see her running up to the house. man, i was relieved she was home but she was so grounded. ok, so i thought. i let her go outside a couple days later to play. she normally stays in the yard hunting for birds. so thankful she's back and so is layla, even though she had no idea greta was gone.

all in all we are all doing great. life is good out here on the ranch. not much to complain about.

P.s.- need to give you all an update on my friends i asked for prayers for in my last blog. My friend had her twins, early and they are home and doing wonderful! couldn't have asked for a better outcome! my other friend who's baby (the same age as layla) had his bone marrow transplant and is out of the hospital, still in houston near the hospital, is doing good. he is doing better than i could ever imagine. i have to give these two family props for going through these hard times. they are such strong ppl and i am very very proud of you all! i consider myself very lucky to have you guys in my life.