Monday, April 26, 2010

Light at the end of the tunnel

It's been just about 5 weeks or so since my last post. I have my ups and downs. Mostly I've been doing quite well. Occasionally, I'll have a bad day and get really sad about our lost pregnancy. It's hard to imagine but I would be a little over 15 weeks along. The time has come that we will be able to try to have another baby this next month. I thought I would be so happy and really I have every emotion going through me that you can think of. I am happy but also very very scared. It took us awhile to get pregnant the first time. I'm scared that at the end of my month we just have to play the guessing game to see if we are pregnant or not. I have my ovulation kit ready but I'm not ready for a let down at the end of this cycle. I'm praying and hoping that we will soon have a positive result but you never know. It is so easy to get pregnant when you aren't trying and we are now back into the trying game. It almost doesn't feel real. It doesn't feel real that I was pregnant at times and other times it doesn't feel real that I'm not pregnant anymore. It's so crazy and hard to explain. I know God has a plan for everything, it's just hard to be patient at times. I know I shouldn't care about what I look like or how much I weigh but I haven't lost much of my pregnancy weight and I hate it. It's just a sad reminder that I was pregnant for 2 1/2 months. Luckily the weather is nice now and I'm trying my hardest to shed these pounds. Hopefully just to gain it all back soon! LOL. It was much easier to lose the weight after I had Kyle. Guess depression can do that to you. I do know that things could be a lot worse and really if this is all I have to worry about I'm doing pretty good. There is light at the end of the tunnel and I'm almost around the corner to see it, just alittle bit longer to go!