Memories

So today I remembered what this coming Wednesday is (I dont ever forget just sometimes I lose track of time): 6 years ago Aug 19, my son Kyle was born and 12 years ago my mom past away. I know I've talked about Kyle before on a few blogs but have not really talked much about my mother. You know after you lose a loved one, things are never the same. The grieving gets easier but it never goes away. I think you grieve for the rest of your life. It's not a bad thing, but is a bit hard at times. When my mother died I was a freshman in high school, actually I missed my second week of high school b/c my mother was in the hospital in a coma. That whole freshman year I was lost and kind of in a daze. I was failing most of my classes. I wasn't really there at all. I remember when I first got my driver's licence I kept thinking to myself, "there is someone that I haven't told about my new car and about my licence". Finally one day it hit me, it was my mother, she didn't get to see me for that major milestone in my life. Every time I have a big event in my life I always think of my mother and how much I miss her. The next major event in my life (I hope) will be having a baby. It saddens me at times because everyone has their mother to spoil their child rotten but I don't. I know I have my grandmother (which I am so glad I have her I would be lost without her), I have Candice, my dad, and lots of other family members who love and cherish me, but it's not the same. But that's life and life isn't fair. I've known that for many many years. It is important to know that I have no regrets and honestly I wouldn't change anything. I love my life. I am a true believer that everything in life happens for a reason. We may not understand it but it does. All the events in my life led me to who I am and where I am today. If even one thing hadn't happened then I may not have meet Kelly and married him! I wouldn't trade that for anything in the whole world! He is the sweetest guy anyone could ever ask for and I love him dearly!
Every now and then I can still hear my mother's laugh. Unfortunately, these memories come and go. But one thing I don't ever ever forget is how much she loved me! I know she had a rough life, but she tried and she always let us know that she loved us! I really wish Kelly could have met her and vice versa. They would have really loved each other I know. I often see someone at a restaurant or at the store that has some quality that reminds me of my mother and I hope that never stops! In a weird way it's comforting. It kind of reminds me that she is always here and is looking down on me.
I can still hear my mother and sister laugh/chuckle at me at my piano recital. It wasn't mean, it was well deserved! I had terrible stage fright and froze up at every recital. And maybe they weren't laughing at me and I just dreamt it, but I knew they were thinking it! LOL. I cherish these memories and am glad I have them! I know there are people out there that don't have any memories of a parent and I am lucky for the years I did have my mother here with me!
This Wed I will be taking flowers to their grave site like I do most years. This week in August is a biter/sweet week. I am sad they are gone but at the same time I am happy for the life that I have now!