Making Lemonade

Well it's been 3 days since my miscarriage and I think I'm doing quite well! I didn't have a great day yesterday emotionally, but overall I still think I'm handling this whole thing good. I still haven't had to use my pain meds the doctor gave me. Tomorrow I go back to work and I'm not really scared emotionally how I'm going to do but I am scared of the physical aspect of it all. Today I was more active and I've had minor cramping. Just hope tomorrow goes smooth! I'm sure it will though.

We just got back from the doctor and had a great report!! I am so pleased. You know, having a miscarriage is an awful thing to happen but it's not the end of MY world. (I emphasize on the word MY b/c some people have a harder time and do not realize at first that is it not the end of THEIR world) Again, everything happens for a reason! I went into the doctor today and he said (my lady doctor was off today) at this point we don't have much to worry about. There could be many reasons why this happened. All my tests and blood work looks really good (and I passed everything so no D&C!!) However, they are going to treat me as a high risk patient for my next pregnancy just so we don't miss anything. I'll get extra sonograms and extra blood work. If something bad were to happen again, there isn't a whole lot that they can do about it but at least we will be one step ahead in trying to figure out what is causing this problem. I feel like I have an excellent team working with my doctor and feel very lucky. I have total confidence that we will someday get pregnant again. No telling when that will happen but it will happen! We are able to start trying again in about 5 weeks!

On the plus side of things I get to have a nice big margarita on my birthday next week! :) Don't get me wrong, I would much rather be pregnant (I'm not really a drinker either) but you have to play the cards you were dealt and find some good out of the situation. Now we wont be in a hurry to get the house done and I bet I will be more patient this next time around and appreciate the whole process a little more. In every crossroad I'm dealt I learn from that situation and move on. You can end up making great lemonade with what you thought were bad lemons!

Never thought it would happen to me...

Yesterday was an extremely long and crazy day at the hospital! It all started the day before(on Friday). I started having some light spotting and mild mild discomfort. After I got home from work I call the on call doctor and she told me to rest and hopefully it will go away, if it gets really bad go to the ER, otherwise go in to see the doctor on Monday if it doesn't worsen. So I stayed off my feet, had Kelly make me some Velveeta shells and cheese and the spotting had stopped! I was thinking, yes I was in the clear!! I was wrong. I woke up the next morning (yesterday, Saturday) and the spotting was heavier, not heavy but heavier, and discomfort was stronger, but not quite cramps yet. So I turned to Kelly and told him that I was just going to stay in bed literally all day and pray it goes away. He was okay with that because he wanted to work on the new house a bit anyways. About an hour later the discomfort turned into mild mild cramps, it felt like premenstrual cramps. I talked to my sister and she told me that if she was in my shoes she would go and that people go to the ER for much less serious reasons. So I finally said okay, better safe than sorry! So I took a shower and got dressed. Kelly drove us into Ft. Worth and it was right around lunch time. We were both hungry and decided no telling how long we were going to be in the hospital so we better eat now. We stopped at Jason's deli, I was really wanting soup for some reason. I thought I felt a little heavier flow and went to the bathroom to check. Yep I was right still not really heavy but heavier and while I was taking a shower and getting ready my cramps were getting worse. I asked Kelly to finish lunch and that we really needed to head out soon! Poor fella wanted to eat some banana pudding and he skipped it so we could leave. He is so sweet! We get to the hospital and luckily the waiting room wasn't full just a couple of people ahead of me! They get me back into triage and get my vitals and then put me into another waiting room until a treatment room opens up. And right before I went into triage I had a sharp pain. I thought to myself, crap I was thinking this was just me overreacting and now it just turned serious. I also went into the bathroom to go pee and the nurse said to give them a urine sample. My little cup was red, not the normal color, of course. I started getting really scared and luckily I had Kelly there to comfort me and to joke with me to get my mind of things. He kept saying, "Babe, don't overreact till you know there is something to be scared about". Hello! I'm a girl and that's what we do, OVERREACT!! We waited for a room for about an hour and a half. Guess they were busy after all. Finally got into the room and saw the doctor, he was nice and pretty much said if I was miscarrying there is not much they can do. Then he said that they needed a urine sample. They didn't use the other. I came out of the bathroom earlier and some weird nurse guy looked at me funny when I gave him the first sample earlier and said, "we can't use this because it has blood in it" I told him "well I was told to give a sample so here it is! I'm here at the hospital because I am bleeding!" My second sample was normal color!! No red!!! That gave me a lot of hope!! We waited and waited and some guy came and took blood and hooked up an iv and then finally someone else came to take me away for a sono. This is what I've been wanting. I wanted to know if there a heartbeat or not! The sonogram tech didn't say much but really I think that's just who she is. She was nice but just not talkative! I didn't really think anything of it. I figured she is just the sonogram tech and she probably isn't even allowed to tell me anything, so I didn't ask any questions! I get wheeled back to my room and soon after my grandmother and aunt show up. It was nice to see their faces! At this point poor Kelly and I were at the hospital for about 4 hours or so. They were there for a little while and the doctor knocks on the door and comes in. He asked if it was alright to talk about things with my other family in the room. Of course I said yes. He had that look on his face and before one word about my results came out of his mouth I knew it wasn't good news. He told me that I was having a miscarriage and that I would pass the sac in the next day or so. I was devastated!! How could I have a miscarriage when we tried so hard to get pregnant in the first place!? I don't mean any disrespect to anyone who has had one, but I truly thought that I wouldn't have a miscarriage. I don't know my reasoning but I honestly thought it wouldn't happen to me!! I'm sure everyone thinks that though. My grandmother and aunt left so Kelly and I could be alone. He is such a sweet husband and of course they never know really what to say to us but just them being there and loving us helps more than any words could! He looked sad but I think he was more concerned for me! He knows we will get pregnant again and we will have a beautiful baby someday!

I learned a lot yesterday! The doctor said something to me that I'll never forget and I truly believe this: often someone has a miscarriage because there could have been something wrong with the baby and this was nature's way of fixing it. And then the nurse explained to me that a miscarriage often feels like really painful contractions. After all a miscarriage really is the birthing process, just way too early!! I never thought about it like that, but it's so true!

Soon after the doctor left the room I started feeling strong strong pains. I wasn't sure if I should call the nurse in or what. So I just waited about 20-30 minutes till the nurse came in to discharge me. She saw tears in my eyes and asked if I was in pain. I said yes and she ran to get me some pain meds! Man did that first shot of morphine help but still felt pains so I got another shot and again it helped but still felt it and they did say I would leave the hospital pain free! So they asked if I wanted another. Of course I did. It was bad enough I just lost my baby or was in the process, I did not want to have pain to keep reminding me why I was in the hospital in the first place! My nurse was so sweet and very talkative. She sat in the room with Kelly and I for a bit chit chatted and it was nice to talk about what all she sees in the ER and to keep my mind off things! So around 6ish? I was told that I needed a Rho gram shot because I'm RH- blood type and everyone who has RH- blood type has to have that shot at 24 weeks and after birth to prevent any complications. I'm not too sure what happens but I do know that if my blood and the baby's blood interact there could be some complications that can be serious. More than likely the baby has RH+ blood type. RH- is rare! I think I read once that only 15% of white women have RH- blood types. Thanks mom or dad!! LOL. For whatever reason the lab had to mix up the Rho gram shot and it was supposed to take just a few hours. Of course it took longer. It took 5 or 6 hours, but I needed it and we had to wait.

Right after the nurse said it would take at least three hours it was around 8:30 and Kelly was starving. I sent him to get some food in his belly and to bring me back a hamburger. When he got to the room I started feeling nausea. So I told the nurse and she gave me something for that, and it helped but I was too tired to eat now! Around 11pm I went to the bathroom and passed the sac. They wanted me to save it if I could so they could send it off to the lab to confirm everything and I'm sure testing or what not. Luckily I wasn't in any pain at that time. I had plenty of meds in me! Kelly was soo tired and his back was hurting and he was ready to go home! We both were!! Somehow he got a burst of energy around 1am. Good thing because he had to drive us home!! Finally around 1:45ish the shot was ready!!! I was kind of in and out of sleep when she came in. I got the shot and then she took some final vitals and we were about to be on our way. I stood up, got my shirt on and oh crap, I threw up in the trash can like 5 times! Kelly called my nurse in for me. She gave me a bucket and some medicine and really before I got my medicine I felt better. Guess I just needed to throw up 5 or 6 times first. And some even came out of my nose!(TMI?) It was awful. I smelled that throw up smell for the whole drive home!! Lucky me!! I honestly didn't care I was so tired and so ready to be home!!!

I was a hard day yesterday and I really want to thank my husband of course because without him I would be so lost!! He is my rock and my support and I could not ask for a better man to call my husband. I also want to say thank you to all my family and friends for their love and support!! Ya'll helped me get through yesterday also!! I cannot tell you all enough how grateful I am to have you all in my life!!

It's about 4:30pm right now and I feel much much better. I woke up this morning and cried and asked Kelly if yesterday was just an awful nightmare. He told me that everything will be okay and that we will try again! I don't have any cramps yet and haven't needed to take any medicine today. But I'm also taking it easy today and tomorrow I have to see my OB doctor to make sure everything is okay and that everything that's supposed to come out, came out.

I never posted a picture of any of my sonogram pictures from when I was 7 weeks but here is one sono picture.

here's our house so far...

I have been so bad at posting pics about the house. I have been busy and have had other things on my mind. Life out here has been a little crazy but I see them getting probably crazier but so much more fun! I am trying my best to post more updates as life goes on! Oh blah de oh blah da. Life goes on...!! Kelly and I put a down payment on his pool table for the house! We are super excited about that! Kelly had an awesome birthday this year! No one could ask for a better birthday!

We will always remember

suppose it's time to do another blog. A week or two ago Kelly came home to one of our dogs badly hurt. It's was Pinky, Kelly's fav dog (dont tell the others LOL). Pinky's neck was badly scratched and was bleeding pretty bad. Kelly and his dad cleaned Pinky up and gave a shot to help with infection. This whole time I was in Fort Worth visiting my sister and my nieces. I rushed home as soon as I picked up my niece Brookelyn from school and poor Pinky was very lethargic and helpless. Kelly and I put Pinky into the car and drove up to my work. It was worst than I thought. They started shaving her neck and it was looking worse and worse. They finally got her on some heavy meds and we left her there over night. I felt so bad for our little Pinky! The next morning I went to work early to check up on her and to tell her how much we love her! Throughout the day I talked to her and gave her hugs. There was this nasty smell coming from her skin and it was getting worse and worse throughout the day. One of the drs. at work said we really needed to do surgery on her to see if anything in her throat was tore. I remember going back there while they started surgery and they saw it was not looking good. I rushed into the bathroom to wipe my eyes and as soon as I came back out I saw the look on Kelly's face and dr. Mccall shaking his head that it was worse than anyone expected. Pinky's whole entire throat was torn up and beyond repair! We had to euthanize Pinky and that was so difficult for Kelly and I. Poor poor Pinky and poor poor Kelly. This was his baby, his dog, who went to work with him and was extremely loyal to him! That night we buried her in the pet cemetery here on the ranch! We will miss Pinky! But we are very fortunate that we have such great memories with her and lots of pictures!

Greta (cat) and Pinky (dog)

PS I did not proof this post but I will tomorrow. I am tired and need to get some rest!

Framing Process

Yesterday the framers put up our walls for the first level of our new house! I am so excited and proud, no words can describe it! What a wonderful Christmas this will be. There is only one more thing that would top this Christmas off and that would be the news of us expanding our family and so far it does not look it is our time yet. The framers say next week, Tuesday to be exact, they will be working on the upstairs!!! I never really dreamed of building a house until I married Kelly. I never really dreamed of many things until I meet Kelly! I know I may say this often but I am very blessed that I have Kelly in my life and I know he feels the same. He lets me know this every day! In the mornings he makes my lunch for me and even makes me breakfast if I have time to eat it!

Oh I am so angry right now! I just put my video that I made of walking through our house and facebook took it off b/c of copyright laws. I have a song on there that I didn't sing so I guess I have to have Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young's permission! So stupid. I'll find another way to share my video. Next I'll try youtube. Guess I better figure it out. I'll post pictures and hopefully a video later on!

Update

Last week we finally poured the concrete!! Our house is finally on it's way! Now we have no idea when the house will be finished or when we will start but it's so relieving for the slab to be done!! I think we will start framing pretty soon. As I type this, Kelly is talking with one of the guys that is helping Kelly build our house, right now. They are trying to figure out how much material we will need to frame it!!! I will keep everyone updated.

Favorite Time of the Year!

Thought I would post another blog. I am so excited that Halloween is over, now time for the 2 "important" holidays!! This time of the year is my favorite time of the year!! Cooler weather, good meals, great desserts, and more importantly it's the time we get to spend wonderful quality time with our families! I kind of wish Thanksgiving and Christmas were a little more spread out but I will take what I can get! I cannot wait till our house is finished. I am going shopping right after Christmas for next year's decorations! You just wait, the house we live in now isn't decorated for any holiday really but the end of next year it will be so decked out! My best friend, Tonya and I are planning an awesome Christmas party! It's going to be so much fun and like no other Christmas party that you've gone to. We are so pumped and have already started planning the big ol shin-dig.

I truely believe that next year will be an awesome year for Kelly and I. I do feel that next year will be a big year of change! I'm hoping by the end of next year we will either be having a baby or expecting one soon. And then we have our house. Our wonderful, much talked about house! It is really coming along and I will post more pictures soon. Dont take it the wrong way every year has been a great year for us but next year will be BIG! I can feel it! No matter what happens next year, every year Kelly and I get closer and closer. We are so blessed!